I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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