And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
