i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
