If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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