Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
