If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
