If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
