The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
