It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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