when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
