Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
