I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
