The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Randomize
