Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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