UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
