Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
