You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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