forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
