so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
