my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
