She said her name was "party"
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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