i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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