I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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