I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
