it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
