Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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