Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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