I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize