Swine flu. Run for my life!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
