I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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