I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Text me some of your sweat
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
