Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
