hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
