Already got asked if we're dating
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I think i got beer on your cat.
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