Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
