Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
