It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize