he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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