If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
