she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
