Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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