If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I need to sanitize my soul.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I need to align my fucking chakras
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
