There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
