That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just want to make out with him forever
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
