but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
