He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
