worst night to have a conscience
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
