haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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