lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
