I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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