Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
