She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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