All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
