i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize