Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
