Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
