I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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