I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
