No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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