they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
