so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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