My room smells like vodka and shame
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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