he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
