I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
