First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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